http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_q ... tBody;col1Bettelheim's book, A Good Enough Parent (1987), does not offer advice on what to do in certain situations, but recommends what is necessary for parents to aid in mental health. Rearing emotionally stable children who will compose a moral society is what makes parents "good enough," a title he derived from developmental psychologist D.W. Winnicott. Bettelheim wrote that although there is no perfect parent, there is an imperative to be "good enough," to raise one's child well. He criticized the "how to" approach taught in many of the "canned" parenting programs. These often see the child as a piece of machinery that can be "fixed" with the right instructions. The "good enough parent" does not try to mold the child as he wishes him to be. Dependency on rules for parenting prevents one from having to think through for oneself the best solution to a problem situation, and it disregards the uniqueness of each child.
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The problem that Bettelheim pointed out is that many have misconstrued what discipline really is.
Discipline is not the control that keeps an individual "in line" because of fear of punishment, but rather the instruction or training that develops a self-controlled way of being. Bettelheim argued that punishment has been a weak deterrent to people who know they will not get caught. They just learn to hide their actions. The more harsh and severe the punishment, the more devious they will become. Children do not become convinced that something is wrong just because people in authority say so, unless the children have a sincere respect for the authoritarian figures and wish to please them. The children learn that the best way to be loved and to be happy is to become like those persons they admire; so the children identify with them and their values.
Discipline is, according to Bettelheim, "
instruction to be imparted to disciples." He pointed to the example of Christ's disciples, those who loved him, emulated him, and followed him. They were moved by their love and respect for their master and his love for them to incorporate his values. Discipleship is the learning of skills and ideas from someone whom one admires. The best way to master a discipline is to learn it from someone who has already mastered it. A discipline cannot be forced on someone. It can only be acquired by someone who wants it (A Good Enough Parent 1987). Discipline is not just learning about something, but a learning of something, a taking in of something, a making something one's own. The children become a disciple of their parents, teachers, and other adults by their own choice. Perhaps this view is relevant for parenting education in religious institutions. Rather than being about how to deal with a "problem child," parenting programs and teacher education might be more effectively about becoming better role models and being worthy of our children's discipleship. One might infer that education for morality occurs in religious education as faith is developed, both faith in God and vicariously in one's teachers.